Trapped

Next time, save your money so when vacation rolls around, you can spend spend spend. Where the fuck is my income?! I need a job, too bad my grades went from a 2.8 to a 1.8 and now it is a 0.8 gpa. I did not know that was possible. I want to start high school all over again. Fuck my lazy life, if I have a life. I screwed up so badly. It's hard for me to smile while my mom tells me so often that all she wants from me is good grades. I'm going to miss out. Everyone is going to a university while I stay back at home for another 2-3 years. Thinking about it makes my heart drops. I really want to game over. Even if I don't have the chance to start fresh, just turn off the power on this reality. Seriously, I can't even talk to anyone about this. I told some people of my grades, but they told me all the same answer, "Then do your homework!" I may say it in a happy tone about my grades or a contented mood, but honestly my heart drops when I hear people talking about college. It's everywhere. At school, friends are talking about how they want to get in UCLA while their grades are at a 3.8 gpa. Do you know how that makes me feel? Don't even mention any shit like that if you have a 2.5 or higher. You're lucky to even get accepted in a university. I will try to hide my emotions, but I really just want to break down every time I think about college. Even on Facebook people are taking about how they get accepted, yay. I am happy for that person, it's not their fault I'm down. I just think that could've been me too. That is it and nothing more.

I'm thinking at the end of the school year or senior year, I'm going to suicide .. I just really needed to rant and not hide it .. yet not get some stupid attention at the same time.