Lies

Kevin is hot in this picture (: He's a photographer and partial model.

If you're reading this, hey! I stole it from your page because it looks fricken cool. You're going to be my photographer, that's a command. This fella is awesome. But he's cooler if he visited me. :3

Actually I'm talking to him right now about poses

EDIT;

Okay so I lied. I really do miss cheerleading. It would've been my 3rd year.

I basically spent my day sleeping and eating. How boring. I want to go somewhere far to relieve some stress. I was fine weeks before but hearing people getting such great grades that would make parents go celebrate, is depressing for me. Well it reminds me of my horrible marks. You can't escape reality. I fucked up.

\\I'm the type that if I screw something over, I let it get even more screwed up while I wait for things to reset. Now I'm doing that to my grades.

\\Hearing friends that are going to Berkeley and those other universities reminds me of where I could've been.

\\I used to think that community colleges were for losers.

\\I'm going to a community college.

\\They are an adults last chance in education.

\\I shouldn't have slacked.

I remember when my friends were all talking about their future plans. I tried to hold back my tears.

Actually, even now when I come across the topic about college, my heart drops. I'm just a little good at hiding it.

I need to find something else that will medicate my mind. Something that will have me thinking, "Trish, you've done it." Learning how to play something, learning more about myself, saving someone.

Speaking of someone, my mom's health is not getting better. I'm really scared. But I'm relieved that I was there to fetch water for my mom. She couldn't breathe. The same thing happened again yesterday. The doctor, whom I am deeply disgusted at, told my mom that she stresses too much, which is making her health linger.

That's my fault. In 5th grade, I did something by accident that made some people in Vietnam to dislike my mom. She started to stress about every little simple thing. The doctor said it was because of the event that I started.

Yesterday, my mom was talking about how I was dropped off summer class. I told her there's no use for me to come back. Next thing you know, she starts coughing like crazy and fell.

I fucked her over so much, I think I deserve my bad gpa.

She said her only wish is that I do well in school.

Hell, I can't even fullfill that wish.

By the way, one of my guy friends was joking to me and he said "Whose your real daddy? I am!" My gosh, that was awkward. In case you people didn't know, my dad died when I was ten years old. Just read my past blog entries for the reason, it's really long. I blame the doctor and myself. I remember those three days so well.

You can say I'm in a bad mood.

I think I'm going to go crazy if my mom gets badly hurt. I am already the reason why she started to become unhealthy. I doubt I'll ever forgive myself.

Onto friends.

I hung out a lot this summer. It was always the same people though. Most likely Michelle. It's fun hanging out with her and shit, but I crave some excitement from other people. I don't want to be in a tight circle.

So my mom just heard the schools voicemail about me. sigh*

I don't feel hungry anymore.

Moodswings.

This applies to all my friends. I get irritated when someone gets pissed and makes it a burden for everyone. Me? Well when I'm mad, I only show it to the person that made me like that. I'll be upset obviously, and will probably act upset around my other friends. Never will I give them bad attitude. They don't deserve seeing a bitch when it's not their fault. It just annoys me when others do that.

Be a bitch to that person, not us.

You can still say I'm being a bad mood.

Love life and Life will love you back. Love people and people will love you back.

Remy invited me to go drinking. It would've been my first time drinking. I'm not in the mood now.

Even so, I'm curious as hell. Though many people encouraged me to keep it that way.

Just don't drink.

I also had a conversation via aim with Remy. It made me change my views on the whole drama*. Sorry to hear that Remy. I hope you feel better.

Life happens. We either fight it or move on.

edit;

Don't you ever tell me "WHAT? SCHOOL IS HELLA EASY! JUST DO YOUR HOMEWORK. DO YOU DO YOUR HOMEWORK? THEN HOW THE HECK DO YOU GET BAD GRADES?!"

Shut up. Just shut up.

That's one reason why I distance myself from you.

You always makes things sound easy yet you make fun of me at school occasionally. I don't know why I still call you my friend after so much that you've said. It wasn't funny.. It was downright shady of you. People told me I should've slapped you when I had the chance. Lucky for you, I'm not that type of girl. I just distance myself away. There's too little time in life for drama and bullshit.

I made a deal ..

- Do not drink soda till the end of my high school years.